Faith, Hope, and Love

Every act from talking to hugging to yelling to working has a motive. Our actions come from thoughts and feelings which are a mix of beliefs, desires, and values—faith, hope, and love. Example, I value my teeth and hope to keep them. I believe brushing helps.

People marry because they love and trust each other and hope to spend a happy life together.

We tip in the restaurant because we value good service, hope to benefit the server, and believe they will appreciate it.

We trust and love the friends we choose and hope to maintain close relationships with them.

Don’t confuse choice with the forced behavior of kids or situations where options are removed. Example, kids are forced to clean up their room, but they choose their attitude.

Belief in one thing often requires disbelief in other things. I believe it is daytime so I disbelieve it is night. I think it is rational that I can’t jump over the moon, so I think it is irrational to believe I can jump over the moon.

A mother loves her daughter, therefore she hates the cancer making her sick. This is like the double negative in grammar. If you hate something bad, that means you love the good, which is good. If you love what is bad, that means you hate what is good, which is bad.

Doubt is the negative to faith. A skeptic is the opposite of a believer. Is it always “bad” to be a skeptic? Isn’t it good to be skeptical of rain on a sunny day or of meeting a polar bear in the Amazon jungle? It is good to be skeptical of claims with low evidence.

What is faith?

Faith is a choice to believe that a pattern will continue, and the firmness of that choice is in proportion to the past reliability of the pattern.

That is my definition that I will explain and clarify, because faith might be the most poorly defined and the most abused word used in today’s cultural and religious debates. I have seen all sides impose their own definition on another side then distort definitions mid-discussion. Much of the time it appears to be done out of ignorance and prejudice rather than maliciousness, but nonetheless, we desperately need clarification.

Therefore, I will step by step explain my definition of faith by comparing and contrasting four types of faith based on where they are sourced: patterns, people, doctrines, or self. These four categories are not necessarily all-encompassing. They are just the most common in my experience.

The word itself, “faith”, I use as a category. There are many synonyms and antonyms that we use to precisely describe varied situations. Keep this in mind as we proceed.

Synonyms and antonyms

Trust; believe; conviction; hold to principles

Religious belief; scientific belief

Trust in someone or something

Loyalty or allegiance to a cause or person

Confidence that some event will happen

Assurance of your position in a relationship

Freedom from doubt; to “really know”

Belief that something is true

Conviction in the rightness of a principle

Chosen perspective on information

 

Culture imposed mindset

Traditional thinking; conventional wisdom

Doubt; skepticism; distrust; dubious

Gullible; naive; credulous; disbelieve

Suspicious; judgmental; wary; mistrust

Unwarranted assumption

Blind faith

Predictable patterns inspire faith

There was once a young Shepherd Boy who tended his sheep at the foot of a mountain near a dark forest. It was rather lonely for him all day, so he thought upon a plan by which he could get a little company and some excitement. He rushed down towards the village calling out “Wolf, Wolf,” and the villagers came out to meet him, and some of them stopped with him for a considerable time. This pleased the boy so much that a few days afterwards he tried the same trick, and again the villagers came to his help. But shortly after this a Wolf actually did come out from the forest, and began to worry the sheep, and the boy of course cried out “Wolf, Wolf,” still louder than before. But this time the villagers, who had been fooled twice before, thought the boy was again deceiving them, and nobody stirred to come to his help. So the Wolf made a good meal off the boy’s flock, and when the boy complained, the wise man of the village said: “A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth.”

The boy had created a pattern, and although not forced, the villagers learned and trusted the pattern. When their predictions of mischief proved true again and again, they came to have faith in the foolishness of the boy. This is what intelligent minds naturally do.

Patterns lead to predictions. Fulfilled predictions give rise to faith. Intelligent, healthy, positive faith depends on predictability. That is what I mean by, faith.

Pattern-based faith

Once upon a time Joseph and Tomas were standing on the beach. They watched the birds go back and forth with the waves as they looked for food. Tomas turned to Joseph and said, “I’ll bet you $10 that in 5 more waves, that big log over there will get washed into the ocean.” They shook hands and the fifth wave was a sneaker wave that took the log.

Joseph had been watching the pattern of the waves for 10 minutes and they never came close to the log. Tomas had been watching the pattern for days and knew there was a sneaker wave every 53rd wave.

Both men based their belief on patterns of evidence. Both men made a wager proportionate to their belief. Joseph had only 10 minutes of data, but $10 was not much to him. Tomas had days‘ worth of data and $10 was a big risk for his bank account. Both men were rational and proportional with their bets.

This little story is an example of my earlier definition of faith.

Faith is a choice to believe that a pattern will continue, and the firmness of that choice is in proportion to the reliability of the pattern.

I use the word “pattern” because having data is not enough. There must be a predictable pattern in the data. If the same amount of data of sneaker waves had no pattern, Tomas could not have made his prediction. Lots of random data is almost useless. There must be a pattern upon which we can base a prediction.

The sun rises every morning in the spring slightly earlier than the previous morning. In the fall, it rises a little later. We base our entire lives around this pattern of the seasons. We hardly think of it as faith, but it is true, genuine, positive faith. In fact, we consider a person irrational to believe the days get longer in the fall and shorter in the spring.

If my definition of faith sounds scientific, that’s because it is. Patterns in the data encourage (but do not force) us to make predictions. Making predictions and basing our lives around them is faith.

Where we run into problems and arguments is when we try to have faith without a supporting pattern of experiences, events, measurements, confirmations, etc... Faith not based on an established pattern is blind faith, wishful thinking, fantasy, myth building, etc...

People-based faith

People-based faith is a belief we hold because someone else told us it was true. This can be good or bad.

Children are incapable of mature, critical thinking. They need to be told what is safe and what is harmful. They develop their first views of the world through the eyes of their parents. They appropriately trust the counsel of the adults in their life.

It becomes problematic, however, when the children grow into adult bodies without adult thinking. It has been said that a parent’s job is to keep their child alive until they are old enough to think for themselves. This means that the parent needs to explain the patterns upon which their thinking is based so that their youth can incorporate them into their own thinking. Just as we expect youth not to wear diapers anymore, so we should expect them to give reasons and evidence for their beliefs rather than a mere, My parents told me so.

Notice that we are talking about forming a worldview and making judgments in life and building a moral framework. Individual freedom means individual responsibility means individual thinking and choosing.

We are not talking about emergencies where people must instantly and implicitly follow guidance to safety. We are not talking about situations like in the military where soldiers must obey their leaders at the risk of life and limb in a fight.

Yet, even in those societal structures, how do people get in positions of leadership? Is it not by exhibiting a pattern of trustworthiness, wisdom, and the ability to act? (Oh no, you say, it is by campaigning and bribing! I agree, but let’s focus on the ideal!)

Similarly, political leaders need a small degree of blind faith from those who elected them because every decision cannot be fully explained to everyone. Yet, transparency and full disclosure, freedom of speech and protest, must be maintained so that followers and leaders alike can respect one another.

It is always a dangerous thing when one person imposes their thinking and judgment on another. It is equally dangerous when a person abandons their thinking to others. In the great issues of life, a faith formed without underlying patterns of evidence to support it is subhuman.

Doctrine-based faith

Doctrine-based faith is only one degree removed from people-based faith, because someone in the beginning had to write the rules, sacred text, constitution, or philosophy.

Just quoting the authoritative writings does not relieve the responsibility of the individual from discovering and evaluating the real-world patterns upon which the writings are supposedly based. How does the adherent know one sacred text is right and another is wrong unless they independently analyze and judge?

A court of law quotes the law to determine innocence or guilt, but what made the law in the first place? Was it not the debate of the people and leadership who based their votes on the collective wisdom and patterns of experience?

Doctrine-based faith is a good attempt to place belief above blind, people-based faith. However, merely reciting and reflexively obeying the sacred rule is another form of blind faith. It is blind to the underlying patterns of evidence that make that rule good or bad, helpful or harmful in the long run.

Self-based faith

Self-based faith arises out of laziness or arrogance. When likes and dislikes, opinions and preferences, become the deciding power in the life or in an organization, then subhuman behavior is the guaranteed result.

Arrogant people tend to impose their arbitrary dogma on others, while lazy non-thinkers avoid deep discussion. In either case, there is a resistance to be exposed to patterns of evidence that conflict with personal bias and prejudice.

Self is a tall, but narrow, tower from which to rule, so it is easily toppled.

Are there levels of faith?

Friedrich Nietzsche, the famous 19th century German philosopher, said, “A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.” However, does it take a stroll through an asylum to know this?

Faith does not prove anything, it accepts patterned evidence as proof. How much evidence is a personal decision.

“Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence,” Carl Sagan wisely stated. Logically, small claims require little evidence. Predicting that a person will take their wallet out of their pocket while in line at the checkout counter is small, but claiming to know the next three presidents is beyond extraordinary. If I want you to believe both of those assertions, you should require much more out of me for the second over the first.

Similarly, if my religion tells me to trust its views of what happens after death, then it needs to show me orders of magnitude more evidence of its trustworthiness than science does when it says it can fly me safely around the world.

When large claims are made, it is not only appropriate, but also wise and smart to demand lots of evidence. The level of our faith should match the level of our evidence.

This means that large positive faith can shrink to small positive faith then drop into negative territory. When exceptions and contradictions outweigh the supporting indicators, then it is healthy to become skeptical. Like the weather, if the pattern changes from sunny to cloudy, then it is reasonable to change our forecast from probable to doubtful.

Doubt, of course, is the negative to faith. A skeptic is the opposite of a believer. But is it always “bad” to be a skeptic? On a sunny day I should be skeptical of rain. Likewise, on a moonless night I should be skeptical of rainbows.

To be a believer in the probable and a skeptic of the improbable are both good. They are just two sides of the same coin. A double negative is a positive. To disbelieve that which lacks evidence is good.

Quotes and Notes

To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float. — Alan Watts

I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. — John Lennon.

Is he talking about gullible, imaginary faith?

None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith. — Paulo Coelho

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. — Martin Luther King, Jr.

Faith, by definition, has an element of blindness to it. But should it be so blind that it randomly picks which staircase to climb without evidence that it is the correct one?

What is hope?

Hope is faith plus anticipation of a better future.

Faith travels the flat road day after day after day. Hope travels the road that rises to the sky above the mountains.

One spring day a guy griped to his neighbor, “For years I have watched this grass grow and cut it every summer. I have faith this season will be no different."

The neighbor replied, “Every summer I improve my garden and get more flowers, fruits, and vegetables. I hope to get even more this year!"

Like the crisp, gentle dawn after a stormy night, hope can rise gradually or it can be dumped on us all at once after winning the lottery. Either way, hope gives us a future focus, an anticipation that today will be better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than today. Hope is belief wrapped in the emotion of eager expectation. Hope is faith blooming into desire.

Faith is satisfied with mere predictability, but hope needs progress, growth, improvement, endless horizons of rich landscapes to explore. Progressive patterns increase in reward and fulfillment. The larger the pattern the larger the hope.

Synonyms to antonyms

Expectation; optimism; desire; wish

Anticipation; holding to a promise

Favorable prospects

Possibility of future success

General feeling that some desire will be fulfilled

The object on which expectations are centered

Belief/feeling/intuition that future will get better

Outlook that things will become more favorable

Despair; pessimistic; despondent

Disheartened; resigned; discouraged

Disappointed; dismayed

What is negative hope?

Dictionaries list “despair” as an antonym of “hope.” Is despair the negative opposite of hope or the draining of hope to the zero level? Or is it the shifting of hope from something to nothing because nothing is better than something worse?

If I step on you to make my way up the ladder of hope is that positive or negative? I think we would all agree it is negative. The most positive hope is universal where I hope the best for everyone. However, if my survival negates your survival, then my hope negates your hope. In these situations it is hard to even call it hope. Sometimes the will to survive is mere selfishness when the living crawl callously over the dying. Yet, it is a sort of hope—for the survivor.

We all seem to have this gut-level, rock-bottom survival instinct, which is hope at its minimum, but it often gets us through. We have no idea why we continue through the suffering, abuse, and terrible odds, but there seems to be this dim foggy light in the heart of each of us that points the way forward and urges us onward. Why? We often don’t know. We just go... hoping, always hoping.

Why progressive patterns?

Without progressive patterns there can be no hope.

As the children climbed the stairs they kept finding more candy on each floor. Their hopes grew brighter each time. Then they reached the top floor.

The newlyweds set off on their honeymoon with great anticipation of the weeks and years to come. They discovered new things about each other and enjoyed new activities together. Then there was too much work, too many bills, too many affairs. Divorce papers were written and signed.

The explorers uncovered the mysteries of the jungles, mountains, oceans, and skies. Then they discovered that there was nothing left to discover.

Did you feel that all of these examples built you up only to drop you with a thud? That is what happens when patterns stop progressing.

Faith thrives on static patterns, but hope needs progress.

When progress ends, hope ends. When growth and improvement in one area are exhausted, then we need a gateway to new areas with new potential. That is the way hope works. That is the only way hope works. Hope is not static. It is not a dull routine. It is not even a dull good routine. Hope reaches outward and upward and forward. It grasps the dreams and possibilities of an infinite future and climbs the heights of wonderful.

Hope is not mere variety. It is not being stuck in a good relationship with good people doing the same collection of good things over and over again. No matter how finitely large the set of activities, a static eternity is a long time and will exhaust all bucket lists. No matter how finitely large the palette of paint, infinite time will drain all colors of vibrancy. Even with a million things to do, static eternity guarantees that we will inevitably say about all of them, “Been there. Done that."

We need predictability for faith, but we also need the wonder, mystery, and newness of progressive patterns so our hope can continually burn brighter.

Hope and unlimited progress go hand in hand.

Quotes and Notes

The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started. — Norman Cousins

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. — Helen Keller

I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death. — Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison for his fight against apartheid in South Africa. Four years after his release, apartheid was dismantled and he was elected president.

A leader is a dealer in hope. — Napoleon

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one. — John Lennon. How does hope give birth to dreams? How do dreams relate to goals?

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. — Alexander Pope.

Can there be hope without risk of disappointment?

My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes. — Anne of Green Gables.

Who could have phrased this better then the queen of drama herself?! What level of hope was she feeling?

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. — Desmond Tutu

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. — Martin Luther King, Jr.

What is love?

“I love you,” said the mother to the child, and the pretty young woman to the old billionaire, and the kids to their ice cream, and the addict to his needle.

There are so many different kinds or levels of love! But maybe we can use the poet’s insight as our starting point.

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” — Robert Frost

When you give to me, I feel loved. I don’t feel you love me unless I profit from you in some small or large way financially, physically, emotionally, personally. How can you express love to me without benefiting me with your time, attention, or resources? Where there is no giving, there is no love.

Love is similar and different from faith and hope. It is similar in that the feeling that you have received love is proportional to the profitable pattern another person makes in your life. However, you can start a profitable pattern towards someone for any reason or no reason at all. That person may feel well blessed by you but that pattern may have cost you dearly with little or nothing received in return.

Faith, hope, and love all consume patterns, but love can also create. Faith and hope work in one direction, while love works in two. Keep this in mind as you think about the synonyms and antonyms below and as we continue to unpack this greatest of all treasures.

Synonyms to antonyms

Give unselfishly

Respect; reverence; fear

Cherish; desire; affection; appreciate; adore

Enamored with; get pleasure from

To bestow grace (undeserved benefits)

To value someone or something

To hold dear; to greatly enjoy

To treasure; to appreciate

To do what is eternally good for others

Hate; fear; prejudice; bigotry

Intense dislike; antipathy; aversion

Abhor; condemn; hostile; enmity

Scorn; detest; despise; loathe

Are there levels of love?

Let’s say that you and a stranger both see a penny on the sidewalk. He reaches it just before you, but then decides to give it to you. Let’s not speculate about motivation, but just focus on the fact that you were the recipient of the stranger’s generosity, as small as it was.

The stranger didn’t know you personally, but recognized your desire for the penny and acknowledged your humanity. This was a single, small act, but nonetheless, you profited. The interaction becomes a bright spot, rather than a dark spot, in your day.

This single isolated act is repeated when a stranger holds a door open for you, or when you get candy on Halloween, or when you get a tip after waiting on a customer, or when a “trail angel” gives you a cold drink and a sandwich as you hike through the desert, or in any other number of situations. Strangers helping strangers build and rebuild our faith in humanity. We feel there is still a little love in the world.

Now we can ramp up these examples to a mother serving her handicapped child year after year after year, or a father laboring in the coal mines to provide for his family, or the soldier fighting and dying for his country, or the medical people working tirelessly in the middle of a disaster. Long-term and/or intense giving impresses us and clearly tells us that love is happening.

Now flip these tiny and large acts into negative ones. Just as the positive ones helped us feel loved (profited), the unkind ones drain us, depress us, and make us fearful or hateful.

Big or small, general or specific, positive or negative, acts of kindness or cruelty shape your view of the people and world around you. You feel more trusting and safe in a good world and less secure in a bad one. We learn to mostly or totally avoid certain people and we cling more or less to others. The level of positivity we experience with the person greatly influences our level of trust and love.

What is the highest love?

Imagine a world where unselfish love prompted every action of every relationship. The love we give would be the love we would receive. At home, at work, at the store, at the traffic light, wherever, we would put each other first with courtesy. We would always feel well thought of, taken care of, and provided for. We could always give because we know we would always receive. We would never worry about having too little. We would never worry about ourselves, because others would do that for us.

When everyone is unselfish, there is no need for selfishness. Fear, hate, and prejudice melt away in the growing experience of loving concern and compassion. Our vision, individually and collectively, would expand beyond instant gratification and the need of the moment. Those moments would link together to launch us to bigger unity and deeper communication.

Which leads us to my favorite definition of love: Doing what is eternally best for everyone. At that level, love becomes a principled mixture of wisdom and compassion. We often give in to short term indulgence (of ourselves and others) that leads to long term suffering or failure. When we really care for each other (when we are not just reacting because we don’t want to be bothered) true love takes the time to listen, learn, plan, and help towards goals that permanently benefit someone else. Love takes the time to find the solution that might require temporary pain and sacrifice, but results in long term growth for everyone at no one’s lasting expense.

It may seem impossible that everyone could win in a world of limited resources, but this is only because we limit our thinking and feeling. True love expands “me” to “my group” to “everyone.” Wise love expands “right now” to “long term” to “forever.” This is all possible when we choose to replace selfish love with unselfish love. When I invest in others‘ growth, and they invest in mine, then we all get the growth we need and want without the damaging side effects of ego, stinginess, discontent, hypocrisy, self serving, and evil desire.

But what if I invest in someone and they never reciprocate my love?

That is the opportunity to experience the creativity of love. Selfless service can create a pattern where none existed and it can keep a pattern going when it is resisted and destroyed by the receiver. Like a never stopping fountain, positive love can flow to negative people. Even if a person throws away the gift, they still profited because an opportunity was offered to them.

You can give love for any reason or no reason. You can love, without trusting, your enemy. You can care for troublesome children. You can be kind when soemone ridicules you. These examples make love the greatest of the three inspirations.

What is love’s opposite?

If giving love profits and enriches the receiver, then the opposite of love demeans, deprives, and destroys the receiver. To love is to give, so to take is to hate. And if I have the power to take from you, then you will not only hate me, but you will also fear me.

“Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.” — Mahatma Ghandi

When you set yourself up as a law over someone else, then punish them for breaking your law, you will be both feared and hated. You cannot be respected, cherished, and loved. That is just the way human nature works. Negative patterns inspire negative choices.

The great civil rights leader, Martin Luther King Jr., said, “I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Hate is the opposite of love. Love is giving like a freely flowing fountain. Therefore, hate is an empty, dry fountain. It promises to give, but it can only take. The weight of deceit and hypocrisy is too much to bear for very long.

There is another take on love’s opposite.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” — Elie Wiesel

“At first I assumed hate was the opposite of love. But it isn’t. The opposite of love is indifference.” — Helen Fisher

In a twisted sort of way, giving someone negative attention is interpreted by some victims as giving. This is sometimes why battered wives stay with violent husbands and molested children defend their abusers. To them, indifference is worse than even negative scorn, anger, and cruelty.

However you wish to interpret it, there is an opposite to love and it is when the receiver feels unprofited—less of a person than they were before.

Quotes and Notes

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. — Lao Tzu

Love has reasons which reason cannot understand. — Blaise Pascal

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. — Paulo Coelho

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. — Dalai Lama

Where there is love there is life. — M. Gandhi

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. — C.S. Lewis

A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. — Max Muller

Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another. — Thomas Merton

We have seen that faith, hope, and love are based on strong, positive patterns of experience. To recognize those patterns requires real intelligence, which is far beyond any artificial “intelligence.” To feel the impact of those patterns requires a soul, which is also far beyond any AI database. The ultimate solution to our problems and the answers to our deepest questions must be found in spiritual patterns. Anything less cannot satisfy us.

Therefore, we now have a direction to pursue, even though we do not see the destination in detail. We also know the essence of who we are and the spiritual language to be used to communicate with us. The arbitrary use of power, emotional manipulation, deceptive use of knowledge, peer pressure, authoritative decrees, or any other attempt to persuade besides the presentation of patterns of faith, hope, and love are demeaning and disrespectful.

Show my brain the patterns and let my heart choose.

Can faith, hope, and love fully exist without choice?

Is choice meaningful without faith, hope, and love?

What does faith, hope, and love tell us about how the world should be?

Super duper extra bonus points: Find a decision not involving faith, hope, and love.

List 3 decisions and describe how faith, hope, and love were involved.

How important are patterns to your positive faith, hope, and love? Share an example.

What impact do exceptions have on your faith, hope, and love? Share an example.

Do animals have a primitive form of faith, hope, and love?

Is the animal form satisfying enough for you as a human?